Chapter 10
“Mommy? Uncle Simey? What are you doing?”
Simon and Paula slowly turned their heads, both wishing that Isabella was only a hallucination. In less than a second, Paula pushed Simon off of her and tried to not look as guilty as she was. She quickly smoothed out her shirt and walked near to her daughter, kneeling down at eye-level.
She grasped her daughter’s hand and stuttered, “Sweetie, Uncle Simey and I-”
Before she could get any other words out, a wide smile appeared on Isabella’s face as she asked, “Were you and Uncle Simey kissing?”
“Isabella,-”
“You were!” Isabella began to jump up and down. “Mommy and Uncle Simey sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G,” she danced around her mother, “first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage!”
Paula put on a horrified expression as she looked over at her shoulder and saw Simon trying to hold in his laughter. Noticing Paula staring at him, he began to act serious again. Walking over to Isabella, he picked the little girl up. “Bella-Boo, you should go to bed, it’s passed your bed time.”
Isabella placed both hands on either side of her uncle’s face. “B-but Uncle Simey! You were kissing, right?!”
His eyes glanced back at Paula who was silently pleading to him. Remembering that he had to play the adult here, he replied, “Sweetheart, your mother… um, she had something in her eye and I was helping her.” It was such a cliché and lame excuse, but it was the first thing that had come to his mind.
A tiny frown formed on their daughter’s face. She knew her uncle would never lie to her. In somewhat of a saddened voice she asked, “Really?”
He said, “Ask your mother.”
Paula, who was staring down at her hands at the moment, feeling guiltier than ever (she never liked to lie to her daughter), looked up at the sound of her name. She saw Simon and Isabella staring at her, expecting her to say something. “It’s true, honey.”
Isabella folded her arms across her chest and rested her head on Simon’s shoulder. He rubbed her back and in a soft voice told her, “C’mon Bella-Boo, it’s time for bed.”
“Will you tuck me in?”
“Of course,” he smiled. Putting her down on the ground, he told her to go back to her bedroom and he’ll be there in a moment.
Isabella began to walk out of the room, but looked over her shoulder back at her mother and uncle. As soon as she was out into the hallway, she stood against the wall, still near to her mother’s bedroom, hoping to hear something.
She heard her uncle sigh loudly. “Paula-”
“Don’t, Simon. We shouldn’t… we-we….” Her mother’s voice trailed off.
“We’re going to talk about this, we have to.”
Then she heard her mother sigh and voice crack, “Isabella is waiting for you.”
With those words said, Isabella thought long and deep about her mother and uncle’s short conversation. There was something they weren’t telling her, she knew that. And she thought they would never lie to her, but in this case it felt like they did. She didn’t know what to believe. Hearing her uncle start to walk towards the door, she sprinted to her bedroom.
--Remember to Forget--
It was the next day, the day before they were all leaving to go back to America.
Simon walked through the front door, and sighed as he leaned against the door. Today… didn’t go as planned. It was very unexpecting. He needed to talk to someone. No… not just someone. He needed to talk to Paula. Knowing exactly where she’d be, he quickly went upstairs.
Just a few moments later, he found himself standing just inside his office. She asked him earlier today if she could do some work in his office and he allowed her to do so. Her back was facing him. He could hear the click and clatter of the keyboards as her eyes were trained on the computer screen. Her hair looked silky and smooth as it hung in very loose curls, but a strand would get in her way and she would hastily bat it away. She looked so cute.
Sensing his presence, Paula turned her head. “Oh, hey, I didn’t notice you there.” She blew away a strand of hair from her face. When she noticed he was staring at her, she asked, “What?”
“Nothing,” he said stepping into the room. “Where is Isabella?”
Paula shook her head out of her haze. She had been in a zone so she was still trying to come out of it. “Isabella? Oh…right…um…she went your mother’s house. Julie wanted to see her one last time before we went back to America tomorrow. How long have you been standing there?”
“A little bit,” he said as he stepped around the desk and leaned against it. “I like watching you work.”
Paula blinked up at him, and then blushed, “Well… that’s just silly.” She then laughed but then her laughter slowly died when she noticed his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. Not everyone would have caught it, but now that she was paying attention, she realized that something was upsetting him. “Hey…everything okay?” she asked.
Simon sighed, shaking his head. “And here I thought I was actually doing a good job fooling you.”
“You know better,” she told him.
“Yeah.” He then gave a shrug. “I had a long day and…” He trailed off with his words, not knowing what to say or how he could say it. He didn’t want to say the wrong words because Paula could misunderstand them.
“Didn’t you go see Terri?” she asked.
He nodded. “We broke up.”
Paula’s eyes softened and immediately understood. “Oh, Simon.” She got to her feet and leaned into him. Simon immediately opened his arms for her as she tucked her head under his chin. He was still leaning against her desk and she was now pressed up against him. Simon placed his lips against her hair and breathed in her vanilla scent. She felt good in his arms…good, and so right.
“Are you okay?” she asked as her hands traveled up his back until her fingers were strumming his hair at the nape of his neck.
Simon closed his eyes at her touch. “I actually… I feel fine.”
Paula smiled. “But you two have been together for so long.”
“Yes…but, it’s just… lately, she’s been different,” he sighed. “Or maybe, I’ve been different.”
“Did you break up because… because of me?”
Simon began to lightly stroke her back. “Darling, no, no. Don’t think that at all. This was my decision,” he said as he moved his head so he could slightly nuzzle her neck.
“Was it because of Isabella?” She shivered at the feel of his warm breath on her skin.
He lifted his head and stared back at her. He didn’t need to say anything else, because Paula knew the answer already. She could read it in his eyes. Terri never liked the fact that Simon always spent all his time with Isabella, if only she knew the truth behind it all.
She arched her back slightly so she could look up at him. Her hands came up to his face and her thumb caressed his rough cheek. “I’m sorry.”
Simon let out a shaky breath as he dropped his forehead to hers. “Don’t be sorry. Never be sorry. Isabella is the best thing that has ever come into my life… besides you.”
Paula smiled frowned as she closed her eyes. “Simon… I can’t help but feel guilty, you should know that. I practically made you throw your old life away. You sacrificed a lot for Isabella and me. And-”
He placed a finger on her lips to quiet her down. “Shh, shh. Sweetheart, you didn’t make me throw it all away. I chose this life, I chose you and Isabella,” he asked lifting his head to smile down at her.
Her eyes fluttered open and she returned the smile. “Is that the truth?”
Simon softly said, “I don’t regret any of it, Paula. You should know that by now.”
She gave him a soft kiss on the cheek.
Later, both of them would wonder why it was that kiss. From so many other times she had kissed him on the cheek…why was it that kiss that changed everything. One minute they had been teasing and as soon as her lips touched his stubble cheek, something dramatically changed. A spark erupted between them that neither of them were prepared for. Simon’s smile that was plastered on his face faded as soon as he felt her body slide up his. Paula’s heart began to hammer against her chest when she slowly moved her lips away. She didn’t want to look into his eyes because she knew that as soon as she did, they would both be in trouble.
Simon tilted her chin up so she had no choice but to flicker her eyes to his. So much was said between them from that one look. Desire. Passion. Longing. How could this have happened? How did one simple peck on the cheek change everything in an instant?
“Simon,” she said shakily as her eyes shifted to his mouth for only a quick moment.
“Paula,” he whispered as his lips moved towards hers.
They were only inches apart but covering that small space between them seemed like an eternity. Finally, their lips touched in a timid kiss. Simon’s hand that had been on her chin slid up to her cheek while Paula shyly placed her palms on his chest.
As their lips absorbed, a soft sigh merged with a throaty moan. Simon pulled back, but only to come back for more sweet and soft kisses. He had to use all his will power to keep the kiss gentle when all he wanted to do was devour. This was new territory for them and the last thing he wanted to do was scare her.
He was doing a good job of it, but then during one of the moments where they paused to breath, Paula’s lips parted ever so slightly and when their mouths merged again, she teased her tongue into his mouth. It was a light caress between tongues and ended just as quickly as it began, but it was enough to send him over the edge. He groaned low in his throat as he slid an arm around her waist and held on tight while he pried her lips open with his tongue and plunged.
Her shy hands were no longer shy as she flung her arms around his neck and held on tight. The soft, sweet kisses and gentle touches they started out with were now replaced with open mouths, sliding tongues and eager gropes. Simon’s hands were lost in her soft hair.
“God, Paula,” Simon breathed pulling away hoping to give them a breather, but just groaned and went back for more. She was so sweet…so seductively addicting…he couldn’t stop kissing her. His tongue stroked hers over and over again and he thought he was close to losing his mind. He didn’t know when the last time he kissed a woman like this. Probably because he never had. His kisses with Terri…even the frantic ones…had never been this intense. Bloody hell, he wanted to touch every inch of her.
Paula gasped when Simon suddenly turned so she was now pressed up against the desk. He was so fast she didn’t even realize how he did it, but the next thing she knew she was sitting on the desk and Simon was pressed up between her thighs. Never breaking the kiss, she shifted her hips up and wrapped her legs around him, then moaned in delight when he pressed his pelvis against her.
Simon tore his lips away from her mouth only to run frantic kisses down her neck while his hands snuck under the hem of her blouse. He wanted flesh and groaned in approval when he discovered she had been going braless. His fingers grazed the sides of her breasts and felt her tremble against him. He turned his attention back to her mouth, nipping her bottom lip while his hands gently cupped her.
She gasped, arching her back when his thumbs brushed over her nipples, then moaned before pulling Simon down for a passionate kiss. They were both losing control. They couldn’t stop touching each other, kissing each other. “Simon,” she whispered as she tugged at the buttons of his shirt. “Please...”
“I know,” he growled against her throat when her hands explored his chest. “I know…”
Once his shirt was unbuttoned, Paula pushed his shirt off his shoulders as their mouths met yet again. Simon took his hands from under her shirt only for the purpose of fully removing it. However, as soon as he had started to lift the material up, the sound of the front door opening halted their actions and a voice echoed throughout the house.
“Simon!”
The two of them panicked.
It was Terri.
Chapter 11
“Simon! Are you here!?”
The both of them could hear the footsteps coming up the stairs. Paula frantically pushed at Simon’s shoulders, wanting to escape or hide anywhere. But Simon caught hold of her wrist and pulled her up close. Then he whispered, “You stay here and I’ll hide.”
“But Simon-”
He stared down into her eyes with plead. “Please… I don’t want to talk to her. I can’t talk to her. Please do this for me?”
She sighed. While gathering all her thoughts together, she nodded and Simon kissed her tenderly on her forehead. Then he picked his shirt up off the ground, quickly ran towards the closet and closed it. As Paula was making her way towards the door, she did her best to fix her hair and adjust her clothing. Assuring herself that she was presentable, she opened the door.
Perfect timing.
Terri was standing in front of her, looking flushed. “Where’s Simon?”
“Umm…” Paula began to panic as she was at a loss of words. “I, I thought he was supposed to be with you.”
Hanging her head low, Terri slowly said, “He broke up with me.” Paula only bit her lip, but made no comment and luckily Terri continued on speaking. “Paula… Do you think that, well…,” Terri began to fidget with her own fingers. “Do you think that maybe you can talk with Simon?”
Paula slowly shook her head as her brain tried to grasp what Terri had just asked her. She couldn’t believe it. Terri wanted her to talk Simon into getting back together with her. She glanced towards the closet and then back at Terri.
“Terri, I can’t.” She held up a hand when the other woman tried to speak. “Look, if Simon made a decision, I have to respect it. I’m not going to try and change his mind on something that I’m sure he already spent a fair amount of time thinking about.”
“I guess, I understand,” Terri muttered.
There was a very awkward silence shared between the two women, as Terri remained where she was. “Terri-” Paula started before wavering.
“What?” the dark-haired woman asked, looking at her once more.
Paula bit her lip again before cautiously continuing, “Are you sure that you even love Simon anymore?”
“What! Of cour-”
“It’s just that… you two have been dating for a really long time and-”
Terri rolled her eyes at her and said, “What I feel for Simon is love, Paula, not just some any ordinary love or whatever. It’s true love. I’m not dating him for his money or fame or anything. I love him for who he is, because I know him better than anyone.”
“Oh really?” Paula asked, with a hint of sarcasm in her voice.
Terri gave her an affronted look, “I’m quite sure I know Simon better than you do.”
Paula bit back the retort, reminding herself that she had to stay the ‘grown up’ in this situation and to consider the fact that Simon was still in the room.
“In fact,” Terri pressed, “I know him in ways you could never know him, in ways you couldn’t even imagine.”
Trying so hard to not say something back, Paula couldn’t handle it anymore. She simmered at what she was implying, “Please, I know you’re upset right now, Terri, but don’t say things that aren’t true.” Immediately after she spoke the words, she regretted saying them.
“How do you know?”
“Because no one does, if you exclude his mother,” Paula replied confidently, looking at her directly in the eyes.
Terri stared at her for a minute longer before turning away and began heading for the door. Paula almost let out a sigh of relief, but then Terri stopped short. Without even turning to look at Paula, she said, “If that’s true then perhaps you can answer a question for me.”
Paula fidgeted for a moment before responding, “I’ll try…”
“What did I do wrong?” She finally then turned around and looked at Paula, her eyes filled with tears and pain. “Why doesn’t he love me?” she whispered in a broken voice.
Not knowing what to say, Paula only sighed.
When there was no response as the room was still as quiet as a pin, Terri spoke again. “You know what the problem I think is…” Paula held her breath, waiting for Terri to continue her sentence. “I think that you’re jealous!”
“Jealous!? Of what?”
“Of my relationship with Simon! You always have been!”
“You don’t even have a relationship with him anymore!”
“I would too if you never came into his life!” Terri shouted back. “Not to sound rude or harsh, Paula, but why are you and your daughter here anyway?! You know, Simon has a life of his own and with all to respect I-”
“Excuse me!” Paula was not going to stand there and listen to Terri criticize herself and Isabella. “Simon invited us along with him! And as in ‘us’, I mean Isabella and me!”
Terri hastily walked back towards Paula. “That stupid daughter of yours was the one who tore us apart!”
“Don’t you dare call my daughter ‘stupid’!” Paula shouted.
Giving a roll of her eyes, Terri spat back, “I can call her whatever the hell I want! You know, Simon just feels bad for you! That’s the truth! He feels bad that you’re a single mother! I feel bad for JT! Hope he gets some sense knocked into him before the wedding!”
“Get out! Get out of here, Terri!” Paula bellowed.
“Gladly!” Terri shouted back before turning swiftly on her hell and headed towards the door.
Paula followed her from behind and yelled, “And by the way if anyone is stupid, it’s you! Simon was doing himself a favor for breaking up with you!”
Terri was left speechless. Looking over her shoulder, she coldly stared down at Paula, not blinking once. Her face was beat red and flushed. And when no more words were shared, Terri left the room, ran down the stairs, and slammed the front door so loud it was heard throughout the house.
Once hearing Terri’s departure, Simon cautiously opened the closet doors with his shirt hanging very loosely on him and the top buttons undone. Paula’s back was facing him and he slowly made his way towards her. He could hear her heart-breaking sniffles echo throughout the room as he felt guilty more than ever. He shouldn’t have left Paula with Terri. That was the wrong decision.
Coming up from behind her, he wrapped his strong arms tightly around her. He kissed the top of her head and softly spoke, “I’m so sorry.”
Paula leaned into him, trying to keep a steady breath and not cry hysterically. She had no idea why she was crying, first off. She didn’t expect to cry, she thought she would be angered and fuming at the moment. Slowly turning around in his arms, Paula then stared up at Simon with her teary-filled eyes. “It’s okay,” she sniffled.
He gently caressed her face as he wiped her tears away. Paula snuggled her head against his chest. She felt so vulnerable in his arms, but yet so safe. She could feel his hand start to rub up and down her back for comfort. She wished she could stay in his arms forever.
Suddenly Paula’s cell phone went off in the room. She pulled away from Simon slightly with a few strands of hair covering her face. She whispered, “I should get that.” Completely disentangling herself from Simon, she walked back over the desk and grabbed her phone.
She looked over at Simon, who was standing in the middle of the room with his hands shoved deep down in his jean pockets. “It’s JT,” she said softly.
“Oh…” That was all he could say. He didn’t know what to say or she meant by saying those two words. Did she expect him to leave? Or stay? Or talk about what happened just seconds before Terri had arrived.
“I have to talk to him…” Almost inaudible, she said, “I’ll see you around.” Her voice quavered a bit when she spoke and she tried to hide it, but Simon noticed.
His eyes watched her as she walked out of the room and answering her cell phone. He could feel his heart shatter… or was it already shattered years ago?
--Remember to Forget--
The key was roughly stuffed into the key shaped hole as he used all his strength to open the door. He practically almost fell into the house and he laughed at himself. He couldn’t remember what had happened much tonight, but all he could remember was leaving the house to get some air, which led him to a pub.
Yes, Simon Cowell was wasted.
As he tried to manage a steady balance, he turned on the lamp nearest to him to make a clearer path for him. Just as he was about to sit in his armchair, he heard a voice fill his ears.
“Simon, is that you?”
Footsteps were heard coming down the stairs and before you knew it Paula was standing at the bottom of the stairs, her eyes were all red and puffy, but he chose to ignore it.
“Why, ‘ello, love,” he laughed, looking very clumsy as he tried to make his way over to her. “You’re looking lovely tonight.”
“Are you drunk, Simon?” she gasped.
“Noooo,” Simon scoffed and fell onto the couch. “I had a few beers, maybe three or ten. A few shots… you should try some of them one time,” he laughed.
Paula rolled her eyes. She watched as he attempted to take his coat off but simple was unable to. “Do you need some help?” she asked.
“I’m a big boy, Paula. I can do it by myself,” he told her with a goofy smile. Paula ignored him and began to slowly pull his coat off him and then placed it next to him.
“Are you undressing me, Paula?” he giggled, covering his chest like a little girl. She slapped him across his face, not too hard, but enough to hopefully knock some sense into him. She had a right to be angry at him, for one his daughter was upstairs and not too far away. He groaned loudly and massaged his cheek. “That hurt,” he whined. “Why’d you do that?”
“Because I felt like it,” she replied smugly. “Probably the same reason why you went out and got drunk.”
“That is not true!” he told her, trying to get up. After discovering his feet just weren’t working with him tonight, he fell and plopped back onto the couch.
She took a seat next to him. “Why would you drink then, Simon?” she blurted out.
“Because!” he exploded, “Because I had stuff on my mind! Stuff that you cannot understand, Stuff that you will never understand!” They stayed like that for a second, him crouching over her, his finger pointing at her.
Slowly, she lowered his finger and pushed him off of her. She got up from the couch and put her hands on her hips as she stood in front of Simon, who was sulking on the couch. “Simon…,” she said. “What is this really about? You know you can tell me anything.”
“My life is so bloody complicated,” he said softly, the alcohol slowly wearing off. He hung his head low. “I’m going to die alone.”
“Hey,” she whispered, lifting his head to looks at her directly in the eyes. It pained her to see him like this. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m going to die alone,” he told her in a more serious tone. “I’m going to die single and alone. Because… I’ll never make her happy.”
Paula held her breath. “Never make who happy?”
“Her!” he said loudly, shaking his head out of her grasp. “She'll never love me back. It's impossible.” He groaned, making a big emphasis on the word `impossible'.
She sighed, closing her eyes. She had no idea what to say. Just by seeing Simon on the verge of tears, left her completely speechless.
“I love her,” he whispered. By hearing those words, she opened her eyes automatically. “I love her so much. I just want to love her. And why can’t I love her, Paula? How come I’m not allowed?” he asked, feeling more and more depressed.
Taking another deep breath, Paula quietly said, “You’re allowed to, Simon…. She’s out there.”
He laughed loudly, which Paula wasn’t expecting. “No, no. That’s impossible, Paula! Because she’s in here! She’s in here fiddling with her engagement ring!”
And then there was a long deep silence. A silence that seemed like it lasted forever.
He gazed at her, his eyes shocked that he had said it. He had revealed his deepest darkest secret. A secret that he had been holding to himself for too long now. His breath came in short pants.
“The wedding is off, I broke up with JT,” she said in a voice almost inaudible.
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