Chapter 4
After Isabella made the announcement that they were all leaving for “Engrald”, Paula told Isabella to get dressed and that she’ll call her down once the breakfast was prepared. Once her daughter was up the stairs, Paula closed the kitchen door, making sure no one could hear.
A chuckle left Simon’s lips, but he tried to cover it up. He was leaning against the counter, holding an apple in his hand. He studied and then cleaned it against his shirt, trying to make the scene casual, but that was only making it worse.
Paula quickly turned and walked straight up to him. He saw that solemn expression upon her face and he tensed up. For such a tiny person, she could be quite scary, he thought.
Staring up at him, she whispered, “Why does she think you’re taking her to England, Simon?” Her voice was not strict or stern, but not happy or joyful either. He saw her shake her head slightly. “Now she’s all excited and I’ll have to crush-”
“Darling, darling…” Suddenly, she could feel a sense of warmness against her cheek. She realized that it was his soft hand and she pressed herself into it, taking in the tender act. His hand slowly slid down under her chin as he gently tilted her head upwards so he could see her directly. “I’ll take care of it.”
“Simon, there’s nothing you can do. If you tell her that she cannot go… her heart will be broken.” There was a long pause as they stayed in that position for what felt like minutes. “She looks up to you,” Paula said with much confidence.
He sighed and his hand left her face as he turned away from her. His hands came to rest on his hips as he stared out the kitchen window. “What do you say we do then?” he asked, not facing her. “I mean…” His voice started to crack, “We could invite JT if you’d like.”
She bit her lip. Slowly walking up behind him, she hesitated whether or not to show him the same affection as he did before. Before she could make another move, he turned around and looked at her, but she quickly stared down at her feet. “M-maybe, a nice vacation is what we need.” Pausing for a second, she looked up and gazed into his dark eyes. “A nice family vacation.”
At those words, he realized what she meant. It warmed his heart and he couldn’t help but immediately pull her into a tight embrace. His arms encircled around her waist tightly and she wrapped hers around his neck. She rested her head against his chest as he took in the scent of her hair… a sweet vanilla.
Smiling, he whispered into her ear, “Thank you.”
“Mommy? Uncle Simey?”
The moment was interrupted again by Isabella, who was dressed up in a white summer dress that had sunflowers on it. She had on her yellow sandals and a cute, tiny purse that her mother gave her. Maybelle was standing right at her side, wagging her tail happily.
Simon and Paula pulled apart, while little Isabella held a concerned look on her face. Although, she was only five, she knew when things looked suspicious or in her words “funny”. “Is breakfast ready, Mommy?” she asked.
Paula hadn’t even started the breakfast and couldn’t come up with any excuses at the moment. Luckily, Simon spoke for her though. “Bella-Boo, why don’t you and I go in the backyard and play around, while your mother gets breakfast ready? Sound fun?”
An immediate smile sprang across the child’s face. “Okays!”
Simon winked at Paula and a smile faded onto her face as well. She turned towards Isabella and told her, “Once you come back, Mommy will have breakfast all ready, sweetie?” Her daughter nodded and Simon walked towards her, taking hold of Isabella’s hand.
They walked out of the kitchen together, while Maybelle followed behind them. They walked out onto the beautiful patio and then down the stairs onto the nice, soft grass. Maybelle began to bark and run around as she chased her tail. That made Isabella and Simon laugh.
Then she turned towards her uncle and asked, “Uncle Simey, can I have a piggyback ride?”
Simon groaned inwardly. He was sore from sleeping on the couch last night, especially with someone on top of him. Crawling on the grass on all fours with a child on his back wasn’t very appealing to him, at the moment. “Well…” He tilted his head slightly.
“Pleaseeeee?” She fixed him with one of her best puppy dog faces. Simon rolled his eyes, how could he resist that face? It was too adorable. Just seeing those wide brown eyes shining up at him, he would do anything for his princess.
“All right, fine,” he chuckled. He got down on his knees and hands as he helped her onto his back. She was so tiny and light that he could barely feel her on him.
“Go horsey!” she giggled. Simon laughed loudly and began crawling around on the grass, every so often resting for a second and then continuing on. Isabella was having a grand time and Maybelle followed Simon’s path.
He came to a stop at the jungle gym, Paula had bought for Isabella last Christmas. “I think Uncle Simey needs a rest, Bella-Boo,” he breathed. Isabella only giggled more and then slid down his back to sit on the swing.
“Push me, Uncle Simey!” she smiled.
Simon sighed. Isabella had a lot of energy, just like her mother. He didn’t know how Paula could keep her entertained all year round. He slowly got off the ground and kept the grin on his face.
He began to push her and she tried to swing her legs in and out just as her mother had taught her. “Higher, Uncle Simey, higher!” she told him.
“I’m pushing you as high as I can, I don’t want you to fly into space, sweetheart,” he chuckled.
As he continued to push her at a nice and easy, slow pace, a thought sprang into the little girl’s mind. She asked, “Uncle Simey… if we go to Engrald, am I going have to wear those thingys on my arms when I go swimming in your pool again?”
He laughed slightly at her random question. She was so cute, it was unbelievable. “Of course you have to, Bella-Boo,” he told her sweetly.
She began to protest. “But I’ve learned how to swim now!”
“Yes, but your mother and I don’t want you to float away. You’re so little and you would get your mother and I very scared.”
“Whys?” she asked.
Simon needed no time to think as the answer sprung to his mind immediately. “Because we love you.” It was the truth. He adored, loved, cared for Isabella. He couldn’t imagine his life without her now and he doesn’t regret anything along the way.
“How much do you love me, Uncle Simey?” she giggled as he continued to push her on the swing. “More than chocolate!? More than ice cream and pizza!?”
Laughter rose from the two of them. Simon smiled, “Way more than all those put together, sweetheart.”
“More than Mommy?”
Simon stopped pushing the swing as it came to a slow stop. He didn’t expect a question like that at all. It was as though she was putting him on the spot, as if she had suspected something between the two of them.
Isabella looked over her shoulder to see what was wrong, but only came face to face with her uncle. He stared closely into her eyes, as though he could practically read her mind. “I love you and your mother just the same,” he told her softly. “You two mean the world to me.”
A huge smile came across her face as she jumped off the swing set and stood in front of her uncle. Since he was squatting on the grass, he was at eye level with her still and she liked it that way. “Reallys? You love Mommy?” she asked, surprised a bit.
He scoffed slightly and then turned back towards the child with that famous Cowell smirk. “That’s not even a question, Bella-Boo. Of course, I love her.”
“Then you should marry Mommy so you can be my daddy!!” Her sudden loud voice made Simon fall back on the ground. Isabella sat next to him on the ground as he sat up straight. “It could be you, me, and Mommy! And Maybelle, Charity, Tinkerbell, Thumbelina, Bessie Moo and everyone else! It would be perfect, Uncle Simey!”
Simon sighed quietly and wrapped his arm around her tiny shoulders. He pulled her close towards him and she ended up in his lap. With his arms wrapped around her now, he began to speak. “Bella, you must understand that… “ He tried to search for the right words to explain this to a five year old, but he couldn’t quite find them. “You see… there are two kinds of love out there. There’s simply just love, which is where you love someone so much, like how I love you. And then there’s a romantic kind of love-”
“What’s ramantoic mean?” She tried her best to pronounce the new word into her vocabulary.
“Romantic means… well, let’s just call it true love. And true love is where two people love each other so much that they would risk anything and they only want to be with that person. They want to marry that person and spend the rest of their life with them. It’s like… well soul-mates, if you believe in that stuff.”
“What are soul-mates?”
Boy, she did have a lot of questions, but Simon would take anything as long as she did not bring up the “where do babies come from” question again. He pulled her close and snuggled against her, saying, “Soul-mates are people who believe they were made for each other. They were made to be with each other.” He continued to stare at the little one, who was taking in all this new information.
“Does that mean Mommy and JT are soul-mates?” Isabella’s smile faded away and a frown took its place. She looked down at her hands.
“Well…” He had no idea how to answer this question. He had his own thoughts about the subject, but he was smart enough to not speak of them to Isabella. “Sweetheart, you must know that JT loves your mummy very much and-”
“But you love Mommy more! I know you do, Uncle Simey. You know her better than anyone else.” Isabella exclaimed.
“Bella-Boo, JT is a…” He was going to have to lie. Lie for Isabella, lie for his own true love, lie for why they have been lying to their daughter in the first place. It just has been lies, lies, and more lies, building up over the years. “He’s a very nice man and he wants to marry your mummy.”
“Marry her? Bu-but, but, why?”
“Because he loves her,” Simon told her. Isabella said nothing else and Simon didn’t know if he worded all this correctly. “Hey, hey.” He tilted her head up with his hand to see her face. “I want you to be happy for your mother. If she’s happy then you should be happy for her.”
“But what if she’s not happy?”
“Well, you can tell her what you feel.”
She gazed up at him. “So you want me to lie for Mommy, Uncle Simey?”
“It’s not a lie, sweetheart. It’s known as…” he paused, “… doing the right thing.”
“Breakfast is ready! C’mon you two!” Paula called out.
“Coming!” Simon and Isabella yelled in unison. All thoughts from before were now pushed in the past. He picked her up in his arms and carried her over his shoulder as she giggled loudly. Then, he picked little Maybelle up and held her in his other arm.
He could see it. A future, a happy one. Just like Isabella said… it would be perfect. But sadly, it would only remain a fantasy in both of their worlds.
--Remember to Forget--
“Sorry for coming over without notice, I did call you though.”
“It’s just been a busy morning is all,” Paula sighed as she continued to cook the eggs. She was running all about the kitchen to make a nice and proper meal for her daughter… and Simon as well.
“Would you like me to help you with anything?” JT offered.
“No, it’s fine. I got this,” she said, scrambling the eggs in the pan.
Her head turned towards JT’s direction and she saw him walk around the kitchen. He came to a sudden stop as his eyes caught something, or rather two people actually. “You didn’t tell me Simon was over?”
Once he turned his head, Paula immediately went back to scrambling the eggs. “I didn’t?” Paula asked innocently. “Oh well, he came over early to play with Isabella.”
JT looked out the window again and saw Simon pushing Isabella on the swing set. “He certainly does love that child,” JT said quietly. “I don’t understand why he won’t have one of his own. You know, one with Terri.” He walked up near Paula again. “I have heard she has wanted one for quite awhile now.”
“Well, maybe he’s just afraid of commitment,” she answered. She didn’t like bringing up Terri’s name into conversations. She couldn’t explain why though. Was it jealousy, envy, guilt, discomfort?
A sudden warm hand rested on the side of her face, just like the same actions Simon had done earlier that morning. “You aren’t though… right?” She didn’t rest her head into his palm as she did so before with Simon and instead she simply pulled away.
“JT, I’m not sure yet. I am a single mother and I must take in my daughter’s feelings about this as well.”
“Wouldn’t she want you to be happy?”
“Of course, she does, but… I want her to be happy as well.”
“You’re right. Take your time, no pressure at all,” JT smiled.
With that said and all the food being ready and prepared, Paula nodded towards JT. She walked past him and opened the slide door that led outside to the patio. She spotted the two by the swing set from afar. Before calling them inside, her heart was in awe. Her daughter was in Simon’s lap as he was speaking soft words to her.
Shaking her head slightly, she called the two of them in and watched as Simon carried their daughter over his shoulder while holding Maybelle in his other arm. He was indeed a great father, an amazing father… if only Isabella could know that.
Chapter 5
Breakfast went by rather slowly and in Simon’s mind, awkwardly. The table was very silent as many thoughts ran throughout all of their minds. Isabella kept looking back and forth at her mother and JT. She wondered when Paula was going to tell her about the wedding.
As everyone finished their breakfast, Simon decided to take everyone’s dishes and clean up. JT, not wanting to be rude, offered to help. As Isabella was pushing her food around on her plate, looking more bored than ever, Paula stood up and walked towards the door between the kitchen and the dining room.
She peeked in and saw JT and Simon washing the glasses and dishes. “Could you guys just give me a second with Isabella? I need to talk to her,” Paula whispered into the kitchen. They both nodded towards her and she slipped back into the dining room.
Her hands folded behind her back as she began to grow very nervous. “Isabella, sweetie, I need to talk to you about something.” Paula made her way towards her daughter, who was now looking up at her.
Paula knelt down on the ground in front of Isabella, while Isabella remained in the same spot as before. “What is it, Mommy?” she asked curiously.
“Bella,” Paula paused and took the little girl’s hand into her own. “When a man really loves a woman… the man asks the woman to marry him.” Taking a deep breath, she continued, “JT asked me to marry him. And I know you may be too young to understand what’s goi-”
“Mommy, I understand. I love you and…” Isabella looked down at their clasped hands. As much as she didn’t want to say what was right, her uncle’s words kept repeating in her tiny head. “I love JT too. I just want you to be happy.”
A bit confused as to how her daughter was handling all this, Paula was surprised at Isabella’s response. “Sweetheart, are you sure? You’re acting awfully mature about this.”
“What’s mature mean?” Isabella asked.
Paula laughed, “Don’t worry about that, Isabella.” She gazed up into her daughter’s eyes and saw that tiny smile just fading onto her face. Then Paula pulled her into a loving and tight hug. “And guess what?” Paula pulled back to see her daughter’s face.
“What?” Isabella giggled.
“We’re going to ‘Engrald’!” Paula smiled.
Isabella immediately threw herself upon her mother and hugged her to death. “I LOVE YOU, MOMMY!”
--Remember to Forget--
There were no words exchanged between Simon and JT once they entered the kitchen. The awkwardness was building up by the second… and so Simon spoke. “Congratulations to you and Paula, by the way,” Simon said with not much enthusiasm, but JT didn’t notice.
“Thanks, I don’t know if its official, but we’re taking things slow. Hopefully everything works out for the best,” JT nodded towards him. “Things would be easier for you if they do work out, right?” JT laughed as he clapped Simon on the back.
“What do you mean?” Simon asked, not understanding his question.
JT looked at him. “Well… You don’t have to come over here and babysit Isabella anymore. You don’t have to fly back and forth. And you’ll have more time with Terri.” He caught Simon’s odd look and then stated, “I know you made a promise to Paula, but let’s face it… you’re not Isabella’s real father.”
As those words were spoken, Simon felt he couldn’t breathe for a second. He desperately wished he could just tell everyone the truth by now. Taking a deep breath, he said, “That doesn’t mean I don’t want to be around Isabella anymore. I love her.”
“But don’t you want to go back to your bachelor living ways? And what about Terri? I’m pretty sure she doesn’t like how much time you spend here with Paula and her daughter,” JT said with no such emotion.
That was it! Simon couldn’t take it. “JT, for your information-”
“Mommy’s getting married!!” Isabella shouted in excitement when she walked through the kitchen door, holding her mother’s hand. Simon immediately looked at Paula whose stare was already holding his. “And we’re going to Engrald!”
--Remember to Forget--
“Bella-Boo, I think your mother would like to pack for herself,” Simon chuckled. He had followed Isabella in Paula’s room after breakfast. The child was so excited for the vacation that she wanted to finish packing for her mother.
“But, Mommy’s wayyy too busy!” Isabella replied, throwing more of Paula’s clothes into the suitcase.
As Simon was standing in Paula’s bedroom, he couldn’t help but take in his surroundings. His thought was that it was definitely made for a woman and second, it looked warm and cozy. The room was painted a soft lavender color. There was a four-poster bed with a soft white mesh canopy over it that had been gathered at and tied to each post with a loose knot. The bed was flanked by two nightstands holding black lamps with white shades and a large wardrobe rested with a large window to its left. And to top it all off, she had a closet that was most likely twice the size as his. Or so he thought…
His eyes continued to roam around Paula’s bedroom and then they noticed several pictures hanging on the wall besides her dresser. Most of them were photo shoots of herself, but one caught his eye. There was a white framed picture that had the three of them, Paula, Simon, and Isabella. He had no idea where it was taken, but he smiled down at it.
Taking another look around the room, he walked by her bed, allowing his hand to fall and softly touch the top of the blanket. He came to a stop and slowly took a seat on it. He sighed and shifted a bit trying to adjust to the weird feeling of sitting on Paula’s bed. Looking around, Simon noticed another picture on her nightstand. This one had JT and Paula in a black frame. Of course, she would have a picture of ‘that guy’.
Fighting the small smile that wanted to form on his lips Simon pretended that he hadn't seen the photo and tried to fight all the new thoughts processing into his brain. “Figures,” he muttered. He lost her. It was crystal clear now… she loved ‘him’.
“Uncle Simey, are you coming?!” His thoughts were interrupted by Isabella’s loud voice.
She was sticking her little head into the room with the rest of her body on the outside. He was so lost into focusing on Paula’s bedroom that he hadn’t even realized Isabella left somewhere along the way.
“Of course, sweetheart,” he said, smiling. Quickly, he got up from the bed and taking one last glance over his shoulder, he couldn’t help but land his eyes on the last photo he had seen. It just… wasn’t right.
A sigh left his lips and then he walked out of the room, closing the door softly behind him. If only he could have looked over at the other nightstand, he would then have noticed a smiling picture of himself.
--Remember to Forget--
Paula didn’t feel up to making a big dinner that night, so she insisted on ordering out for pizza… which Isabella jumped up and down for. Isabella had begged her uncle to stay for dinner again and of course, he couldn’t say no to that puppy dog face of hers.
Once their food had arrived, all three of them gathered in the living room to enjoy a TV dinner. Isabella wanted to watch “The Parent Trap”, the Lindsey Lohan version. It was by far her most favorite movie, Simon remembered Paula told him. Isabella could say almost every line in the movie.
After eating they’re dinner, the movie continued playing as all three of them snuggled up against each other. Isabella climbed on to her uncle’s lap and Simon caught Paula’s adoring smile at the scene. Simon wrapped his arms around Isabella and she only squirmed and laughed at his touch.
“Mommy needs some love too, Uncle Simey,” Isabella giggled.
“Does she now?” Simon asked with a quirked eyebrow and a charming smile across his face. Paula only laughed. Isabella nodded her head and untangled herself from his arms. She took his arm and draped it behind her mother’s shoulders.
“There we go,” Isabella smiled and took her seat back on her uncle’s lap.
He could feel Paula tense at the touch of his skin against hers. She was wearing another one of her summer dresses, which left her back and shoulder bare. Thinking it would be better to take his arm off her, he was surprised when Paula began to lean into him and scooted closer towards him.
There was no space between them at all. He loved the feeling of her so close to him. Suddenly, he felt her head began to rest on his shoulder. Taking his eyes off the screen, he looked down at her and was surprised to see her staring back up at him.
No words were spoken between them, but they held that gaze for what seemed like ages. Then a tiny smile formed on Paula’s face and he returned her smile. Then she rested her head against his chest and snuggled into him. Simon practically held his breath. It felt as though this was all dream and he certainly did not want to wake up.
Maybe he still had a chance? Was he willing to risk everything? Willing to risk his relationship with Paula and his daughter? It felt like only minutes later when the movie ended and the credits were rolling on the screen. Both girls started to pull away from Simon as he began to miss the feel of them in his arms.
“Isabella, I want you to get in to your pajamas and I’ll be up there to put you to bed,” Paula told her daughter.
“Can Uncle Simey stay the night again, Mommy?” Isabella asked with those sparkling brown eyes of hers.
Paula glanced over at Simon, “As long as Uncle Simey wants to.”
“Of course, sure. C’mon sweetheart,” Simon yawned. He picked her up and draped Isabella over his shoulder, just like he always did. She giggled uncontrollably. Simon thought, she obviously had her mother’s laugh.
As they walked out of the room with the giggles and laughter fading up the stairs, Paula took a deep breath. She closed her eyes gently and leaned on the back of the couch. Trying to relive the memory, she could still feel the warmth from Simon’s body. Why was she feeling like this? Were they ever going to stop?
“He doesn’t see you in that way… you’re getting married, you should be happy,” Paula whispered to herself. Then as if the words continued to repeat itself in her head, she replied, “Then how come I’m not.”
--Remember to Forget--
Isabella wasn’t able to go to sleep until her uncle fell asleep as well. It was most likely hours later when she began to stir around in her sleep and Simon was woken up. He yawned and stretched his arms and felt the side of the bed shift. Sitting up slowly, he saw as his daughter was snuggled up in her blanket.
He smiled. Leaning over as quietly as he could, he lightly placed a soft kiss on her forehead. “Sweet dreams,” he whispered as he got up and off the bed. He tiptoed across her bedroom and slowly closed the door behind him.
As he was now in the hallway, he yawned again and stretched his arms over his head. He continued to walk to the guest bedroom, but a sudden noise stopped him. His eyes roamed from the floor towards the door to his right. Paula’s bedroom.
Was she still awake? He looked down at his wrist and it read twelve o’ clock. It was midnight.
Reaching her door he noticed that it was slightly ajar, sticking his head in through the crack to see if she was awake or not, he saw her small form in the canopied bed. Simon frowned, she looked to be asleep... but then- she didn't. Watching her closely, he noticed that she was clutching something in one of her hands. Focusing on the item, he realized that it was a black picture frame.
'Why is she holding a picture frame?' he asked silently, his brows furrowing in confusion.
As he was pondering this question he noticed something else, something that made his heart stop. While one of Paula’s hands was clutching the picture, the other was under the light blanket. He gripped the door handle as he felt his legs began to give out on him. The situation was not helped when she tilted her head back her eyes closed and a look of pleasure on her flushed face. Simon struggled to breathe; there was no more question as to what she was doing under those covers. He continued to watch her entranced, knowing that he was invading her privacy but finding himself hard-pressed to care.
The play of emotions on her face was magnificent; she was glowing brighter than any star he had ever seen. Her short wavy brown hair was fanned out onto the light colored pillow and with the light from the moon hitting her arching body. Every once in awhile Paula’s eyes would open briefly and give a fleeting glance to the small black picture frame. Tearing his gaze away from her, he glanced at the table next to her bed. Simon felt his stomach drop when he noticed that the picture of JT and her was gone, he looked back at the frame in her hands and knew exactly where it had went.
Looking at Paula’s face once more, his grip on the door handle became almost painful as she bit her lip and closed her eyes, her head lulling to one side. He found that his breath had begun to match hers in pants and he could almost feel her against him. Less than a minute later she squished her eyes shut, her mouth opened in a silent scream as her body practically arched off of the bed. Simon’s legs immediately gave out and though he had grabbed desperately onto the door handle, his hand slipped due to his sweaty palm. Simon immediately flung himself back so that he wouldn't fall thorough her door. Getting off of his bum almost as soon as he landed on it, he quickly made a mad dash back to Isabella’s room to make it look less suspicious.
Slowly, but quickly getting back into the bed with Isabella, he pulled the extra blanket up to his shoulders closing his eyes. A moment later he heard what sounded like the door creak from behind him, Simon attempted to lie as naturally as possible and resisted the urge to hold his breath knowing that it would look suspicious. After about a minute he heard his door creak again, giving it one minute more, he finally turned around and was relieved to see that there was no one there.
Lying on his back he stared at the ceiling trying to come to grips with what he had just witnessed. Reaching up to run a hand through his hair, he almost cursed aloud but remembered Isabella was sleeping soundly next to him. Rolling his eyes at the whole situation, he decided to sleep there for the night.
--Remember to Forget--
Paula walked back to her room on wobbly legs. 'Okay, so he didn't see me,' she thought to herself breathing a sigh of relief.
She had never really done anything like that before, but for some reason tonight... it was different. She knew it wasn’t right, especially since her daughter and Simon were in the next room.
Paula sat heavily on her bed nervously pulling her hair over one shoulder. She could have sworn that she had heard someone outside of her room right after she... well, when she finished. As she opened her eyes, she heard a distinctive `thump' that sounding like someone or something falling. However after checking in on Isabella, the two of them were in the same exact position as she last saw them hours ago.
'What in the world is wrong with me?' she thought lying back on her bed, her head brushing up against a dark picture frame. 'I would have been mortified if Simon caught me.'
She picked up the frame and looked at the picture, a picture of a smiling Simon Cowell. Paula stared down at it, not blinking once until she shook her head out of her thoughts. "Never again, you." she told the picture of Simon.
Peering closely at the picture once more, she gave a small shrug and she leaned over and placed the photo on the other nightstand. Sitting back down on her bed she considered taking the picture of JT and herself out of her drawer where she had placed it when she took Simon’s picture, but ultimately decided against it. She did not need a photo of JT smiling at her. Heaving another sigh, Paula leaned back onto her pillows and began to drift off into sleep. However, tonight her dream didn't consist of the usual romantic evening with her young fiancé, but of a steamy evening with a handsome British friend
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